October is arguably the most enjoyable month of the year in San Francisco. The weather turns summer-like, boats dot the Bay, and we even get an air show. But something happened recently that has really dampened my spirits.
It has come to my attention that I did not win the Nobel Prize in Economics. In fact, I don’t even think I finished in the top three. This news comes on the heels of my insightful research on the postcard industry, which culminated in a call-to-arms that (I can personally guarantee) injected at least $5.00 USD into the struggling trade. I don’t know what is more disappointing – the fact that I was overlooked again*, or that I prematurely sank $7 into a celebratory 4-pack of Go Girl energy drinks.
Perhaps, though, I am being misguided in my pursuit of this award. The odds, after all, are weighted against me: a quick scan of recent winners shows that the selection committee is biased towards Jews, and people who understand economics.
So while this blog will maintain its primary function of initiating far-sighted market discussions, I’ve decided to steer the balance of my intellectual energy in a new direction – winning the Nobel Peace Prize.
On its surface this may seem to be a daunting task, one that will surely involve at least several afternoons of deep thought (and an equal number of melted cheese sandwiches). But I’ve already got some ideas taking shape in that space between my eyes.
What is peace? Is it not, in the most elemental sense, the absence of conflict?
And in the present world, who has a hand in the most armed conflicts? Based on
So the core of my plan is to find a way to eliminate U.S. involvement – aggressive or otherwise – in foreign wars.
The method to achieve that aim is surprisingly simple, and it came to me several days ago, during San Francisco’s annual Fleet Week festivities. For that occasion, an aircraft carrier meandered into the Bay, a few helicopters flew over Alcatraz, and a half dozen fighter jets screamed at low altitude above the neighborhoods. That was cool. What I’m proposing now is Fleet Week, with a bit of a twist. I call it Forces Year – a commitment that is at once an unprecedented, adrenaline-soaked thrill ride for the locals here, and also a complete withdrawal of strategic forces and weapons abroad. Instead of just a two-day performance by the Navy, we’d have endless war games from the Army and Air Force as well, and even surprise “ambushes” of the trolley system by Special Forces. One weekend of suppressed excitement would be traded for 365 days of heart-pounding, unpredictable action.
After the year’s activities (and a surge in out-of-wedlock births localized to the Bay Area), the armed forces would re-deploy.
But what a welcome break that would be for the Afghani commoner. And what a sight it would be for those over here.
I was going to devote more time to this idea’s development, but after writing it out like this, I think I may well be finished. All that remains now is for me to free up December 10, 2011 on my calendar.
*In 2009, my quizzical remarks on the seemingly disproportionate cost of breakfast were also deemed inadequate for the prize.
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