A Blogger, Idiot's Guide to Surviving Natural Disasters (And Other Phenomena)

A Blogger, Idiot is banned in eleven countries, including China, North Korea, Iran, and Libya. It is also unavailable in parts of Saskatchewan - not so much due to banning, but more because they just don't have much internet up there.

It's important to me to get my voice out there, though, so I'm also constantly publishing in the more traditional print media. Books authored by A Blogger, Idiot have sold over a half dozen copies and are mainstays on the outdoor "steal me" bins at bookstores everywhere. My latest release, A Blogger, Idiot's Guide to Surviving Natural Disasters (And Other Phenomena) (Bantam, $39.99) could not be more timely.*

Last week's devastating earthquake in Haiti was but the latest in what seems to be an endless string of terrible disasters. In 2005, numerous tropical storms swept through the Caribbean, none with more brutal impact than Hurricane Katrina. Then, in 2006, a freak heatwave struck Western Europe. And let us not ever forget the most catastrophic event of 2008: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

In times like these it is not unusual to wonder about the randomness of it all. Fortunately, there are answers, and I have them. My new book will provide a road map to surviving even the most uncommon of famines, hailstorms, and lahars. I can't give away all the details here, but I can offer a brief look at some of the essential themes:

Start by limiting your exposure to these events. I've indexed thousands of recent natural disasters against their geographic origins and created a series of helpful infographics to illustrate my findings. For instance, history shows that certain regions of the world are prone to repeat instances of earthquakes, or floods, or draughts, etc. Those regions are marked on Figure 1.1 below:

Readers, therefore, are encouraged to live in areas that have shown significantly reduced incident frequency.** These areas are marked on Figure 1.2:

Imagine the worst-case scenario, and then take immediate, drastic action. Sometimes, we're just going to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. But Chapter 2 of my book will help you make the jump from hearing disturbing news to getting prepared.

Example 1 - Warning Sign: High wind advisory in your county.

Example 1 - Recommended Action: Board up windows. Turn off electronic devices, and keep flashlights (with extra batteries) handy.

Example 2 - Warning Sign: All the harbor seals seem to have disappeared from the piers, and now your cat is acting really strange.

Example 2 - Recommended Action: A giant sea-monster attack is imminent. Abandon life as you know it and get inland by at least 200 miles until things quiet down.

Keep a checklist of crucial supplies, and track them regularly. What's the most important thing you own? If you said, "Duh, my Macy's card," you are correct. So make sure you pay your balance down every month. In emergencies, you're going to need some liquidity to afford new scarves and outerwear.

Most important, keep the book close at hand. This volume packs a lot of very important information into its 778 pages. You won't be able to read it overnight, but at only 17 lbs in weight, it's a plausible addition to any mid-size briefcase or full-size hiking backpack.

In conclusion - there is simply no time to waste. Order today; your very life, and my very financial well-being, hang in the balance.

If you are too stingy to buy the book, however, at least consider making a contribution, if you have not already, to the relief effort in Haiti.

*Or have a much longer title.

**However, if readers are not economically or politically mobile, are restricted by family or work obligations, or are otherwise unable to pack up and move, they are encouraged to skip Chapter 1.