Job interview

Good morrow, my lord!  Verily, ye are quite handsome.

I'm never quite certain how to greet people...I hope that was appropriate.

First of all, I want to make sure that you weren't given the wrong idea about why I am here.  The floor staff may have informed you that I insisted on seeing you, but in truth it is they who insisted that I do so.  They were drawn to me, as I think you too will be.    

I know that you are very busy and I don't want to take too much of your time, so I'll cut to the chase.  I'm a big fan of what you and your colleagues are doing here at the Macy's Home Store, and I'd be honored to join your staff and see where this journey takes us.  

Now, I've heard that one should research his potential employer before a job interview.  I've done one better - I've researched YOU specifically.  For instance, I know that you drive an early 2000's Hyundai Santa Fe, your ATM pin number is 4474, and that your daughter Kendra has a soccer game this afternoon. 

Impressive as this dedication may seem, I know that it won't be enough to single me out from the other candidates (or will it? he he).  So I've prepared a resume and brief cover letter for your review.  I have to offer somewhat of an apology here...I tried to keep the cover letter under eight pages, and to do so at first I thought I'd have to cut out a lot of good stuff about my experiences in the late middle school/early high school years.  Then I elected to shrink the font and the line spacing to make it all fit, and as a result the print now seems a tad microscopic, and knowing your optometry history, well, perhaps I could have done better.  But I'm also certain that there are some magnifying glass doodads lying around the store somewhere should it come to that.

I can see from the way that you are fidgeting in your chair that I should finish my remarks here and let you get back to your busy day.  Please allow me to touch on some of the relevant skills I have before I go.  I have over one year's worth of experience at consumer-driven market firms such as Petsmart and The As Seen On TV Store, and I've become proficient in activating synergy portals, integrating qualitative initiatives, and working with resource-oriented teams.  Plus, I'm told I laugh loudest at my own jokes.

With that I will say adieu and fare thee well, my goodman.  I hope to be hearing about your decision sometime soon.  Email is the best way to reach me, though I'll probably also see you tonight at the Blackstone High/Emporia High soccer game.