I was under the impression that loud techno music would be a welcome addition to the neighborhood

Question:  Can you think of a better way to spend a weekend than waking up early Saturday morning, popping a half dozen synthetic hallucinogens, and then slipping into a delirious state of half-consciousness for the next 36 hours or so?  

How about waking up early Saturday morning, popping a half dozen synthetic hallucinogens, hitting "Play" on your 500-track techno playlist, and then and only then slipping into a delirious state of half-consciousness for the next 36 hours or so?

This has been my normal routine since moving to the neighborhood.  However, I came to a very disturbing realization recently.  About a month ago, I found myself peacefully laying on my living room floor, supporting my head on a coffee mug, when I realized that I'd forgotten to turn my music on.  The disturbing part, though, was that I couldn't hear music coming from any other apartments nearby.  While new age drugs tend to be freely available, it dawned on me that not everyone has access to techno music.

So now, before entering a 2C-B induced stupor, I take special care to open all the windows in the apartment and arrange my vast array of speakers so as to optimize the level of sound that leaves the building.  It's only polite - to my neighbors, their pets, people walking on the street below, and anyone driving a Prius within a mile radius.  

My neighbors showed their appreciation by enthusiastically knocking on my walls the first time I tried this.  It was like they were giving my apartment a high five.  Cool!  

A few weeks later, though, someone in the building asked me if I could keep the music down before 9 or 10 AM.  At first I thought she was joking.  I mean, who doesn't like to awake startlingly on a Saturday morning to a deafening pastiche of synthesizers, drum machines, and half-Swedish, half-Japanese female vocalists?  

Still, I got to thinking.  Is it possible that we live in a world where people legitimately do not welcome the complimentary, feel-good trance atmosphere that I've brought to the neighborhood?  Is that a world I want to be a part of?

Also: where am I, and what's going on with the lights under my fingernails?


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

you're dumb.